Fifty, On Purpose

I turn fifty on December 29. I am not letting it sneak up on me. What I would tell myself at 40, and the three things I want the next decade to look like.
I turn fifty on December 29. A birthday four days after Christmas has always been easy to lose in the holiday shuffle, and this one would be easy to let sneak up on me. I have decided not to let that happen. I would rather meet it on purpose.

## The trip

In January we are taking the whole family to the Riviera Maya. Two adults and three kids, ranging from an eight-year-old to an eighteen-year-old who needs his own space. If you have ever tried to book a resort room with four real beds, you know this was harder than it sounds. One place we loved got ruled out because it had three beds instead of four. We ended up with two rooms near the pool, which is honestly better for everyone.

We stayed nearby in 2024 and it was one of those trips where nobody looked at a phone for hours. That is what I want again. Pools, good food, the kids doing something fun, and nowhere to be.

## What fifty means to me

If I could go back and tell 40-year-old me one thing, it would be this: everything will turn out better than you could imagine. Not easier. Better. I would have worried less and enjoyed more if I had believed that ten years ago.

I am also done worrying about what people think. For a long time, some part of my brain was always checking how a decision would look to someone else. At fifty I am letting that go. I am going to do what I think is best and what makes me happy, and trust that the right people will understand.

Part of why I feel that way is that this year I dealt with cancer. That story deserves its own post, and I will write it when I am ready. For now I will just say that it changed my perspective. It is a lot easier to stop worrying about what people think when you have had to think about what actually matters.

## Three things I want the next decade to look like

I am keeping the list short on purpose.

1. **More building, less talking about building.** Candles, software, a book that finally ships. Make things.
2. **Focus on my health.** Not as a resolution, as a priority. Train, recover, show up for the checkups, and treat my body like the long-term project it is.
3. **Do everything I can for my family.** They are the reason for all of it. Every other goal on this list is in service of this one.

## The point

Birthdays ending in zero are a good excuse to check the map. Not to panic about how far you have come, but to choose where you are going next.

I will post photos from the trip. Assuming I can find my phone.